The Best Medicine
by PFCDontKnow
Summary: They say it's supposed to be laughter. Whichever deity needed a mortal to get hit by a bridge for a laugh, I hope their condition is terminal.
1. Saved Data Lost: New Game?

**Disclaimer:** _ **Naruto**_ **and** _ **Déjà vu no Jutsu**_ **belong to Kishimoto Masashi and Vixen Tail, respectively. I have an idea, internet access, and too much free time.**

* * *

Yamada Tarō, former jōnin-sensei of Team Four, now-captain of _Cell_ Four, slumped against the tree trunk with a sigh. "It's nice to see nothing has changed," he remarked dryly, watching two of his former students engage in a rather one-sided shouting match.

The final member of his cell chuckled from her perch further out on the tree branch. "They enjoy antagonizing each other too much to stop," Uchiha Akiko agreed, Sharingan-red eyes scanning the forest around them. It wasn't the Byakugan by any means, but it was better than nothing. "Takeo's really getting into it, too; he's using that 'unflappable doctor' tone."

"And nothing riles Daisuke up like someone who doesn't react," Tarō sighed, "That's going to get him killed in the Land of Earth."

"It almost has, a couple of times," the kunoichi replied, watching the argument with a fond smile.

Tarō took a second to be thankful once again that he'd gotten an Uchiha that acted like a normal person as a student.

"I thought you were going to work on thinking before you act, Daisuke," he called down, "Something about not needing to be rescued by a girl anymore?"

His former student sputtered indignantly for a moment before glaring at his snickering teammates. "Why am _I_ the one getting called out?" he complained, "Akiko's the one who joined ANBU!"

Akiko was very definitely avoiding her sensei's pointed look as she took to scanning the trees again. "It was while you were out of the village," she muttered into the loud silence, "Besides, it's not like I'm–" Her justification cut off as she tensed up, focusing on some distant point.

"Akiko?"

Now that he was looking, he could see the difference in his old student. The way she held herself, how she positioned herself in the group; like at any second she was going to vanish into the shadows. He wondered why he hadn't noticed it earlier, and then mentally smacked himself because _not noticing_ was the whole point.

"I thought I saw something." Akiko's tone was staccato, her voice clipping as she spoke. Takeo and Daisuke's argument completely stopped, their gazes fixed on the two sitting above them in the tree. "Yes, I can see their chakra; three people, maybe four. They're coming up fast."

Tarō stifled a groan. Was it really too much to ask for a nice, easy, _quiet_ patrol around the village to catch up with his students? The war shouldn't even be anywhere _near_ here.

"You and I, Akiko," he stated flatly as he stood up, "are going to _talk_ after this is over."

His former student had the decency to at least look embarrassed. More probably out of being caught than any actual shame, but he'd take what he could get. "Yes, sensei."

"Ooo..." her brown-haired teammate teased, "Akiko's in trouble..."

With a momentary glare at Daisuke, the Uchiha turned back to face the Cell's captain. "We should try and ambush them; I don't think they've noticed us."

"We should make sure they're an enemy, first," Tarō pointed out wryly, "But yes, if they don't know we're here, it would be prudent to keep it that way for now."

The other half of Cell Four took the hint, vanishing into the trees themselves with a quick shunshin. Akiko jumped further into the trees as well, while Tarō ran through the hand signs for the Camouflage Jutsu. Some users, he knew, had gotten to the point they only needed the Tiger seal to pull it off, but he wasn't that practiced yet.

Yamada heard them before he saw them: a child's heavy panting and crashing through any impeding undergrowth, and the quiet _wish_ of displaced air as the tailing ninja leapt from branch to branch. Wherever they were from, they were toying with the kid. That made them unlikely to be friendly.

The child finally crashed through the bushes into the small clearing Cell Four had just been in, cradling a hand to their chest, and the first thing Tarō noticed was how _long_ the kid's hair was. It almost reached the ground and was so tangled and matted with dirt and _(what the hell, is that blood?)_ other gunk that he couldn't tell what color it actually was supposed to be. The picture just continued to deteriorate as he took in the tiny one's filthy, emaciated features and ridiculously oversized, beyond threadbare shirt ( _just pretend those aren't bloodstains, they're not there_ ) that looked like the only thing the kid was wearing.

The shinobi following the child appeared between one blink and the next, one rather lanky Kumo-nin appearing in front of the kid and kicking them hard enough in the chest to worry the Leaf jōnin about broken bones. He wasn't imagining the aborted lunge that had one of the upper tree branches rustling overhead, but he couldn't tell which of his cell it was. The Kumo squad was either supremely sure of themselves or had no idea what they were doing in a forest, because none of them reacted to the noise.

Another of the shinobi who landed almost exactly where Akiko had just sat (in a hilarious stroke of luck) sighed. "Mugoi, just because your parents hated you doesn't mean you have to live down to your name," he stated wearily.

"Why not?" the gangly one sneered, "Little sonuvabitch ain't given us nothing but trouble since we found him."

The Cloud captain took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. "Just...don't break him, okay?"

The aptly-named Mugoi grinned maliciously at the kid. "Maybe I break his legs, so he can't run no more."

Before he could follow through with this, a dark blue blur came down on his shoulders with a sickening crack. Tarō lunged forward almost before he'd registered Akiko slamming Mugoi into the ground, his kunai severing the spinal cord just beneath the base of the captain's skull. He heard the sound of muffled blows as Takeo and Daisuke ganged up on the final enemy shinobi.

Grinding her knee in between Mugoi's shoulder blades, Akiko placed a kunai just behind his jaw as she brought her head closer to his. "Break his legs, huh?" she hissed into his ear as his pained whimpers died down, "Maybe _I_ break your _spine_."

"Come on, Akiko, put him out of his misery;" Yamada cajoled, rifling through the ( _technically not quite yet_ ) dead captain's pack, "don't be cruel."

Straightening, the Uchiha shoved the kunai up through the gap between the shinobi's jaw and the rest of his skull. As she wiped the blood off on his shirt, she blinked in surprise before snorting and rising to her feet. "...Wow, sensei. That was several different shades of horrible."

"I couldn't resist."

Takeo and Daisuke reappeared at that point, their running fight having obviously finished by the last Kumo-nin draped over the latter one's shoulder.

"Please tell me we managed to take at least _one_ prisoner for T &I," Tarō asked as he reluctantly admitted that he wasn't going to find a physical copy of whatever orders these jokers had been given, and he'd just killed the captain. Idly, he wondered if the Raikage hadn't sent them on a suicide mission to get rid of them. Given their village's previous near-success at kidnapping the last Uzumaki some years ago, the Konoha jōnin couldn't really fault them for thinking they could get away with something similar again.

…And now he felt old, because that had happened back before he'd finally made chūnin.

Takeo affected a look of mock hurt. "We're big boys now, sensei; we can handle ourselves."

The kid, who'd by then managed to shakily stand up, chose that point to limp over to the only female member of the cell and hold out the hand he'd previously been cradling to his chest.

"Ow."

Bemused, because the tiny one seemed completely unconcerned about the dead body slowly leaking blood at his feet, Tarō watched as an equally-confused Uchiha kunoichi knelt down and gently took the little thing's hand.

"Takeo?" she said conversationally, "I'm no doctor, but this looks like a dislocated thumb."

"I don't believe you can't tell, given how often you dislocated mine," the medic grumbled, ambling over and taking the child's hand from Akiko. "Yup, dislocated thumb. Rope burn on his wrists, too."

The kid just gave him a blank look before turning back to Akiko and reaching out with his other hand to grab at her hair. The surprised, hurt look on the tiny one's face when she grabbed it with her own had the chūnin crumbling almost instantly, Tarō noticed amusedly, as she let him card his fingers through her hair.

"Kaa-san..." the kid suddenly blurted, fixated on the lock of hair he had gripped in his off hand, unnoticing of the way Akiko froze like a deer in bright light. Daisuke glanced at Tarō who just motioned for him to ignore it.

There was a short, sharp pop as Takeo used the distraction to manipulate the child's thumb back into position before using the Mystical Palm technique to speed up the rest of the healing process. By the time the kid had even reacted to the reduction with an unintelligible shout – " _Muthr fukr!_ " – he was all but finished. Tarō had to admit he was quietly impressed with how well the tiny one handled it; he wasn't bawling his eyes out, at least.

Silently jumping down to the forest floor after sealing away the body, Yamada watched his team try and figure out what to do with the painfully skinny child. Akiko looked internally torn over something as she watched the tiny one experiment with his newly-healed thumb's range of motion. Daisuke was trying to figure out how to extract the dead body of out from underneath their feet without drawing attention to it. Takeo, whose hands glowed green as he used medical jutsu to diagnose anything else wrong with the little one, was starting to look uneasy.

"Something you want to share with the group?" The jōnin prodded. The kid's gaze jumped up to his as he spoke, and Tarō quickly tamped down on the urge to look away, even as staring back felt almost like he'd been kicked in the sternum. Those eyes were hard, a wild intelligence glinting in their golden depths. _No child should ever have eyes that old._

Looking up, he noticed everyone looking him expectantly, apparently waiting on a response to whatever had just been said. "Sorry, didn't quite catch that; start over again?"

With a sigh that sounded more irritated than everyone knew it actually was, Takeo acquiesced. "He had a dislocated thumb and rope burns on his wrist, but you already knew that. His limp is due to a rolled left ankle, he has about half a dozen fractures that haven't properly healed and a, frankly, disturbing number of bite and slash scars all over his body...most of them on his forearms and hands." With another, heavier, sigh, Takeo rubbed the back of his head. "It's almost a miracle he's even _standing_ , given everything I just said and what has got to be _severe_ malnourishment."

"Those scars," Tarō mused, his eyes raking over the raised skin as the child reached for a ration bar Akiko had in her hands, "Defensive wounds, you think?"

"That'd be my guess," Takeo agreed, watching as the boy cautiously sniffed at the ( _unequivocally nasty-tasting_ ) bar before taking an exploratory bite.

"So, wait;" Daisuke interrupted, confusion written across his face, "the kid actually _is_ a boy?"

Tarō shrugged. "I was only using it because that's what these brilliant examples of situational awareness were using," he admitted, kicking the trussed-up captive at their collective feet lightly.

With a very put-upon eye-roll that fooled no one, Takeo pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, the child is male."

Cell Four all turned to look at the child, who froze as he tried to stuff half the ration bar in his mouth at once. The look on the little one's face was just too amusing for Tarō; he looked like he'd just been caught out doing something the wrong way.

"You are going to be one very pretty boy," the jōnin couldn't resist quipping.

* * *

 **First off, to those of you coming from the original version, I'd like to apologize for how long it took to finish this _one_ chapter. I don't know why it was so hard to just sit down and bang this out, it's not like I didn't have an idea of what I wanted to do with it.**

 **To those of you joining us for the first time: welcome to the Madhouse.**

 **Moving on; I've made more than a few changes to bring this more properly in-line with the Mesuji-verse (which the honorable Vixen Tail did green-light before I started) including moving our little protag's age group up half a decade or so because I wanted to make use of a certain pasty eye-mad pedo-snake.** **I have all of jack-shit medical experience, so I have no idea how realistic any of what came out of Takeo's mouth is. I more or less _yoink_ 'd it right out of the _Arrow_ pilot.**

 **And final note, including Kushina and the future** **Hyūga affair, this makes Kumo 0 for 3 in the Land of Fire. They're really** **incompetent at this whole kidnapping thing.**

 **PFCDontKnow, Out.**


	2. One Day at a Time

_**Forty-three favorites and Seventy followers in Five days?!**_ **I don't think I had that many the first time around! You humble me.**

 **Fair warning: most of this chapter is flashbacks. Hopefully, this clears up a good chunk of potential confusion before it starts.**

 **Oh! And some pretty strong language at one point. Apologies in advance.**

* * *

 _It's dark when he finally wakes up, and the first thing he does is panic._

 _ **Because he should not have woken up at all.**_

 _He'd just been crushed by a bridge, for fuck's sake! How the fuck was he alive?! You don't just wake up from having your entire right side flattened! (Certain shenanigans of one Japanese manga writer notwithstanding; fiction didn't count.)_

 _His panic attack vocalized itself as loud wailing through the cavern-like room he found himself in. This is just too fucking much, too fucking fast for him to deal with; he feels like he's going to snap and just explode with the sheer fucking unfairness of everything when he feels Her._

 _She feels like a magnet, and She smells_ familiar _and_ safe _and_ family _. She picks him up and makes a gentle shushing noise as he clings to Her desperately, instinctively. He cries because he's lost and confused, because he doesn't_ know _anymore and he hates not knowing, because everything he knew is gone._

 _Slowly, he calms; the tears eventually stop. His eyes get harder and harder to keep open, and She just keeps humming and supporting him as he slips back into slumber…_

 _She is the first thing he sees when he wakes up again hours later. Long dark blue hair lays messily about Her fair, sculpted face, yellow eyes smiling as She runs a finger down the side of his face._

" _You gave Kaa-san quite a scare," She says softly, the words for the most part meaningless syllables that go right over his head, save for one._

 _Kaa-san. He knows that word. The younger part of him associates it with the woman lying there beside him, and loves Her without reservation. The older part of him is torn. He_ wants _to love Her just as easily, if for no other reason than because She's earned his love by loving him first; but…She's not his mother._

 _It's as he awkwardly grasps at her finger with his clumsy, uncooperative fists that he realizes he is quite a bit smaller than her. He's been completely reborn. And as he can't help but return Her smile that could outshine the sun, he comes to a realization. She isn't Matthew's mother…but he's not Matthew anymore._

 _Shortly after this, She realizes his outburst is because he's teething (only in part; She doesn't know). He is five and a half months old._

* * *

" _Daredevil. Yo, Daredevil!_ Murdock! _"_

 _He looks up from his computer with only mild irritation. "What?"_

 _Werdin's grinning like a loon as he looks over from behind Donovan's workstation, the Irish-American staring over at him as well. "Who's hotter, Scarlett Johansson or Jessica Alba?"_

 _It takes him a moment to try and recognize those names to no avail, and he blinks. They're actresses, but that's about all he knows. "Who?"_

" _Black Widow or the Invisible Woman from the 2005 Fantastic Four," Umber intones from the next row back, his gaze never leaving his own screen._

" _Oh." He falls silent for a few moments to think about it now that he has faces to go with the names. "Who's the actress who plays Kate Beckett?"_

 _At this, Umber glances over, the tiniest of smirks on his face. "From Castle? Stana Katic."_

 _Pointing at his nominal superior (billet over rank), he nods to the previously arguing Lance Corporals. "Her."_

" _No, Daredevil,_ _you don't get it-" the black-haired Marine begins, trying to cajole his shift partner._

 _Werdin chooses that moment to yank all the cords out of his peer's monitor, causing it to flare once and switch off._

 _Donovan leaps to his feet, swiping at the cackling leatherneck. "Oi!_ A bhastaird bhreallghnúsigh! Gabh trasna- _"_

" _English, Donovan;" Umber reprimands with a wry smirk, "you're in uniform."_

" _Go fuck yourself sideways, you dickheaded son of a triple-cunted bitch."_

" _You'd better be directing that vitriol at Werdin, Donovan."_

" _Yes, Corporal."_

* * *

 _His name is Kohaku now. He has no idea what it means, but he doesn't really care right now. He can always find out later, when he learns how to read. Right now, he's having too much fun stacking blocks and then destroying the resulting 'tower'. He always liked tearing things apart, and now he can do it without getting weird looks for enjoying it._

 _Kaa-san seems to be enjoying watching him play Human Artillery, too, because she's just sitting there with a laugh sitting on her lips. The peaceful family moment is interrupted when a door he hadn't noticed set deep into the wall opens, and someone walks in._

 _Someone with almost paper-white skin, purple markings around golden eyes with pupils like slits, and straight waist-length black hair._

 _Seeing the door open, Kaa-san scrambles to her feet. The instant she recognizes who walks in, he watches as she bows deeply to the creepy snake-man in their room. "Welcome back, Orochimaru-sama."_

 _His older mind registers Kaa-san's undertone as an 'I-respect-your-rank-I-don't-respect-you' tone he's heard from uppity boots, but he just stares up opened-mouthed as they chatter incomprehensibly over his head. Because that is still Orochi-_ _ **fucking**_ _-maru his kaa-san is bowing to._

 _Given he's just recently discovered his reincarnation, he belatedly admits to himself he's not all that surprised. His next thought is that he's finally figured out why the striped pattern of the walls feels familiar._

 _He is six months old. It is the first time he sees that goddamn pedo-snake._

 _And praise the fuck-mothering Sun, because it is the_ only _time he ever sees him._

* * *

" _What's going on?" The ever-lovely Eira Rees pipes up as she walks up beside the Liaison's workstation._

 _Sweeping a hand to encompass the entire lower row, Umber summarizes the argument his relief just missed. "They seem to be under the impression I'm this universe's Leonard Snart."_

" _No, you don't have access to a cold gun," she mutters audibly as she peruses Umber's end-of-shift SITREP. Her head snaps up as she blinks rapidly, realizing what just came out of her mouth. "Ah, fucking son of a-"_

 _He can't help laughing at the look of terror on her face at being outed as a nerd. "Too late now, Rees! We know you're one of us!"_

She looks really cute when she's blushing _, he decides. "Fuck you, Murdock!"_

 _He can feel the grin creeping across his face. "Anytime you want, dear; just not at work."_

 _Even Umber is smiling, for once in his life. "You left yourself wide open for that one."_

" _Both of you; stop talking."_

* * *

 _He's all alone._

 _Kaa-san went hunting. That was three days ago._

 _He is now eighteen months old, and he knows Kaa-san is not coming back._

* * *

 _He sometimes wonders why he keeps getting up. He's always hungry, always thirsty, always hurting; and yet he keeps getting up, keeps scrounging for anything to eat, keeps looking for any sign of a way out. He hates how easy it is to get lost down here._

 _Oh, that's right; he's too obstinate to just lay down and die. He survived getting crushed by a bridge, goddammit, he's not about to die here!_

 _Logic helpfully points out that he didn't technically survive the bridge, he was reincarnated. He tells Logic to kindly go fuck itself, this is_ Naruto _. Let him have his fantasies. (They're the only thing he has left, at this point.)_

 _He's not denying that a not-so-small part of him is hoping that if he can escape this place, he can find Kaa-san again, and everything can go back to the way it was. He's even been practicing the little Japanese he's managed to pick up (all fucking ten words of it he knows…) so he can prove he's not a complete fucking savage after being alone for so long._

 _It's not the first time he's lied to himself to keep moving._ Boot camp was worse than this _, indeed. At least he knew when_ that _was going to be over with._

 _He was never good at keeping track of time even when he had the tools to do so, but he just turned three years old._

* * *

When questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give name, rank, service number and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability.

 _While he certainly knows his name, he doesn't have a rank anymore, so that one's a bit of a moot point._

When questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give name, rank, service number and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability.

 _He never could remember the damn thing anyway, not that it'd be in anyway applicable here. One-four-six-eight…two-zero-seven? Or was it seven-zero-two? He can't bring himself to care._

When questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give name, rank, service number and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability.

 _He…actually isn't sure when his birthday is. He thinks it's still in the fall, but later than it was before. Like...only-a-couple-of-days-before-Halloween later. But he hasn't been paying attention the last few years. His old birthday is September 15_ _th_ _, though; he remembers that. He can't remember why that's important, unfortunately._

 _He very carefully cracks one eye open as the non-asshole-non-leader-guy on watch gets up and moves out of sight. If he focuses, he can hear him adjusting his pants to go piss. Now's his chance._

If I am captured I will continue to resist by all means available. I will make every effort to escape.

 _He's had lots of practice ignoring pain; he's gotten pretty good at it. Dislocating his thumb to get out of the binds on his wrist takes more effort than he thought it would, but he doesn't flinch (much) when it finally goes. Clutching his hand to his chest to try and keep his injured thumb from moving, he races off into the woods as quietly as possible._

 _He can hear the shouting almost as soon as he's started to really haul ass._

 _Fuck._

* * *

Closing the door behind the sleeping five-year-old, Yamanaka Inoichi turned to the medic who'd apparently requested his services. Not _his_ , specifically, but the Yamanaka clan's. He'd just been interested enough to give it a look (and needed a break from his regular work).

"I _was_ able to get a name, Kuroyama-san," he opened with, "Kohaku. No family name, from what I could find."

Kuroyama Duelo nodded thoughtfully. "I have some tests I'd like to run for confirmation, but I have a pretty good guess of what his family name _should_ be."

Inoichi very carefully kept his reaction to the young medic's statement hidden. He didn't disagree with the younger man, but he felt the doctor should've found another way to put it that didn't sound so...self-assured. But yes, that silver hair was rather uniquely distinctive.

"Moving onto your second concern, Kohaku-kun's been entirely on his own since he was one and a half," Inoichi continued, "If the very fact he's even sitting here for you to worry about his mental state doesn't convince you he's a prodigy and a fast learner, I'm not sure what else will."

The young medic bowed slightly. "I understand, Yamanaka-sama," he replied, ignoring the mind-reader's almost imperceptible twitch at the honorific, "We were just concerned; Kohaku-kun hasn't moved much at all from when he was admitted; he seemed almost resigned to his stay here. Most children his age, in his place, even without…that level of isolation, would be terrified to the point of escape." A soft grin spread appeared on the medic's face. "Not that he'd get all that far."

Inoichi had to chuckle in agreement. "The most likely reasoning for that is he's adopting a wait-and-see approach before deciding how to react," he lied easily, "trying to feel out his new environment. I'd prefer it if you could keep the amount of different people he's exposed to down for now; we don't know what might trigger a reaction like that."

"Of course, Yamanaka-sama."

Inoichi made his exit from the hospital shortly after that, his mind spinning as he went over what he'd seen in the golden-eyed boy's head. Entering the Nara compound, he made his way up to the clan head's house and knocked.

When the door opened to reveal the clan Lady, Inoichi smiled. Just the person he'd been looking for. "Natsumi, can I ask you a question?"

Nara Natsumi smirked at his expression as he realized what he just said. "You just did, but go ahead."

"What's a…" he grimaced like he knew he was about to absolutely butcher what he tried to say next, "… _Devil Dog_?"

The soldier-turned-assassin blinked in confusion for a moment, before _comprehension_ flashed through her eyes and her face froze. "I think you'd better come inside."

* * *

 **Apparently, I am incapable of meeting even my own deadlines, which is a little embarrassing. However, the original The Best Medicine has now been taken down from this site, and the title of this rewrite changed to reflect that this is the only version still up.**

 **If you don't get the joke surrounding Kohaku's old name, shame on you. I'm not explaining it _._**

 **In the original, the honorable A .Himawari (I remove the space and FFnet flips its shit) let me use their OC, which I still intend to do further down the line, if they're amenable. Hopefully, they'll let me get away with using said OC's young-and-very-recently-made-medic otou-san in this chapter, because I forgot to ask before writing it.**

 **Final note; please do not expect future updates to be anywhere near as fast as this. With my job, real life, and other ongoing writing projects, I don't have enough hours in the day to do everything I want to. I apologize in advance.**

 **PFCDontKnow, Out.**


	3. Checking In

**I have no excuses. I'm very sorry this took so long.**

* * *

There was something alive in the room with him.

He couldn't describe how he knew; there was just this sense of _presence_ an empty room didn't have. There'd been several times, Down There, where he'd've died without it. His sleep-fogged mind half-remembered a couple of times he nearly had, and he resisted the urge to shudder.

He wasn't truly awake, hovering in that halfway state where the waking world feels like a dream. He could just as easily slip back under as open his eyes to face reality, which had never been an option he was very fond of. And if he didn't let the something know he was awake, it would most likely leave him alone. Something must've caught the attention of whatever was in the room, regardless; because he caught a soft rustling, like cloth, and then – to him – a stream of gibberish. _Goddammit._

Giving up on feigning sleep with a sigh, he opened his eyes to see a tall dark-haired man in light blue scrubs standing at his bedside expectantly…and froze. A small corner of his mind noted that the gibberish had ended with the kind of upward tilt of tone that meant 'question'.

He blinked slowly, his breath already come faster and faster as he carefully leveraged himself into a sitting position and away from the medic. _Don't fucking move, buddy; that's close enough._

The doctor spat out another stream of question-y sounding gibberish ( _probably Japanese_ his brain whispered, for all the help that was) and reached out a hand.

"Hey!" he barked, scooting further away from the guy. His teeth were bared in an almost-growl; his heart was already pounding away like a drum. How much clearer was he going to have to make it?

More unintelligible Japanese, and the doc's hand still reaching for his face. Apparently, much clearer.

He reached out to bat it away; the doc managed to avoid the smack and grab onto his wrist.

Iron. Warm liquid in his mouth, like metal on his tongue. His head shaking as the medic tries to get his hand back. Ripping back, spitting in his face as he pushes off the bed; reaching for _his_ face, _see how_ he _likes it!_ Falling to the floor, his ribs aching; sounding like a door slamming as the doc disappears.

 _On your feet, on your feet, on your_ feet as he reaches for the _door won't open, can't get out that way._ He spins around, towards the light coming in from the _window get out the_ window might be too high up, but _go for it anyway, scale down the side; get out the window._ He's almost there, just climb the sill and–

" _ZERO!_ "

( _Concrete-floor-whitewashed-walls-metal-racks-campaign-covers-"Freeze, squadbay–"_ )

–freeze.

* * *

Nara Natsumi's thoughts were whirling through her mind at a mile a minute as she all but stormed through the hospital's hallways, Shikaku and Inoichi following along in her wake. She didn't know where to even start. Panic, relief, shame, worry, and a myriad of other less easily identifiable emotions all warred with one another for dominance. One thing she was certain of was there was no way in hell she was going to leave another American soldier at loose ends.

The three ninja had just about made it to the jarhead's room when the door flew open and a nurse stumbled out, clutching his hand as blood dripped through his fingers and off his face, keeping the door shut as he leaned against it.

"He _bit_ me! That little brat _bit_ me!"

Natsumi ignored the medic's exclamation as she pulled him out of the way, opening the door again just in time to see a child-like figure pulling himself onto the windowsill.

" _ZERO!_ "

The barked English surprised her just as much as it did the boy, whose head whipped around as he literally froze in place halfway up to the window. She managed to keep hers off her face, however, and simply rolled with it for the moment. " _Get the fuck down from there, Marine! The hell do you think you're doing?!_ "

Inoichi had told both of them about the circumstances around the kid's discovery, and the kunoichi sighed slightly in relief that she seemed to retain enough fluency in her old native tongue to make herself understood. She hadn't even realized she was worried about it until that moment.

A quick glance over her shoulder as the leatherneck-in-miniature lowered himself to the floor showed the door shut again, with Inoichi and her husband doing their best impersonations of wallpaper on either side of it.

Waiting to see how long it'd take him to notice the blood still smeared around his mouth, Natsumi took a moment to observe the younger incarnate. Stick-thin limbs made him look like he'd fall over if she breathed too hard in his direction, and she counted easily a half-dozen scars on what skin she could see. Golden-yellow eyes remained fixed on her in blatant shock underneath short, spiky hair.

Familiar, gravity-defying, _silver_ hair that momentarily wiped out every thought save one.

"That's taicho's hair," she stated, whirling on the mind-reader, "Why does he have taicho's hair?"

Inoichi was trying and just barely failing to hide his amusement at her reaction. "You're sure? Kuroyama-san and I had our suspicions, but–"

"Yeah, well, suspicions confirmed;" the Leopard Summoner remarked flatly, "Inoichi, why does a child found in the middle of the forest have my taicho's hair?"

"No one was even sure of that until just now, wife mine," Shikaku pointed out as his teammate held up his hands in a placating gesture, "Now that we do, I'm sure T&I will work on getting that out of the prisoner the patrol brought back."

Begrudgingly surrendering to her husband's logic, Natsumi threw a half-hearted glare at the Yamanaka who simply lifted his hands a little higher as she turned back to the uncomfortable-looking not-five-year-old. " _I asked you a question, Marine._ "

" _Wouldn't leave me alone, ma'am. Freaked out._ "Shock had given way to uneasy caution as his eyes flicked rapidly between the three ninja. His English was hesitant, thick, like he was speaking for the first time in a very long while, focusing on forcing his mouth to shape the words. It made the kunoichi wonder where her seeming ease with it was coming from, even if she could feel a horrendous headache rapidly building behind her eyes. To her, it almost sounded like she'd never stopped speaking it; almost even like someone else was speaking from her mouth.

" _I was a Staff Sergeant, none of this 'ma'am' shit._ "

" _Yes, Staff Sergeant._ " Almost all of the tension visibly drained from his body at that point. He licked his lips and inhaled, as if about to speak again, but stopped, his expression puzzled as he raised a hand to wipe at his cheek, as if just now noticing the blood on it.

Natsumi was by no means squeamish, her line of work wouldn't tolerate it, but there are just some things no one wants to see, and a five-year-old calmly licking human blood off of his fingers and mouth is one of them. There was a definite flash of déjà vu as she reflexively tapped his knuckles with a "No" like she used to when Kakashi was younger. The bewildered look she got in return brought back another flash, though it was less of a _what-did-I-do-wrong_ and more of a _what-the-utter-fuck_ before his gaze flicked over her shoulder and he tensed again before focusing back on her as he slowly attempted to start licking his hand clean again, like she wouldn't notice if he moved slower.

"No," she repeated, firmer this time as she rapped his hand again, fighting down a grin as she watched an extremely familiar look of resigned longsuffering steal its way across his face. She'd noted the smell of pipe-smoke and made a snap decision just before the door opened, hoping Kohaku caught on quick enough.

 _He's not a bad actor, for a jarhead,_ she decided as she turned to face the Sandaime.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen watched in no small amount of amusement as the young boy behind the Nara clan Lady began rapidly licking his fingers the second she turned her back on him, respectfully greeting her village leader. "Hokage-sama. I didn't expect you to show up."

"I didn't get a chance to meet the young lad when Cell Four brought him to the village," the Professor explained genially, nodding in greeting to the other two males in the room, "I thought I'd take this chance to see him myself."

All four of them turned to the silver-haired child, who held up his hands in a _see-all-clean_ gesture at that moment, a look of smug innocence on his now-clean face and a red smear seeping into what _had_ been a clean white shirt.

"Smartass," the ANBU captain grumbled under her breath, though Hiruzen could see her fighting down a smirk.

Not bothering to hide his own grandfatherly smile, he turned just enough to address the three of them as a group, aware that the child's shoulders visibly slumped in relief as he turned his attention away from him, eyes going a little distant trying to follow a conversation he didn't understand a word of. "Though I'm equally interested to know what all of _you_ are doing here, as well. Inoichi I might have expected, but you, Natsumi? Shikaku?"

Inoichi spoke up at that point. "I had a suspicion regarding the child's parentage, Hokage-sama. I was unable to locate Hatake-sama, so I asked Natsumi if she'd be willing to come verify."

Hiruzen let his interest show on his face as he turned to the Leopard Summoner. "And has she?"

None of them had stated those suspicions aloud, but the Hokage was almost certain he knew what they were; he shared the same ones, after all. There was even something about the child's yellow eyes that niggled at the back of his mind; though for the life of him, he couldn't place why they seemed familiar, however vaguely.

Natsumi nodded. "Yes, Hokage-sama." An uncomfortable frown was settling onto her face as, Hiruzen guessed, she mentally gamed out what that confirmation meant on any number of levels.

One answer for two questions, even if Hiruzen didn't think she'd told her adoptive father what _he_ had discovered by chance. Content to let her speak in her own time, the old veteran puffed on his pipe and smiled as the young boy visibly wrinkled his nose at the resulting smoke. The other two young men were watching him shift around uneasily, eyes flicking towards Natsumi rapidly as if looking to her for guidance.

Folding one hand behind his back as he removed his pipe with the other, the Professor cleared his throat to drag them all out of their respective thoughts and smiled as the boy's gaze jumped up to him. "I nearly forgot to introduce myself," he said slowly, trying to enunciate the ending of one word and the beginning of the next, "You'll have to forgive me for my mistake. I am Sarutobi Hiruzen."

The boy blinked rapidly at the Sandaime before looking up at Natsumi, turning back and slowly repeating what she'd couched his response as.

"My name is Hatake Kohaku, Hokage-sama. It's an honor to meet you." The skepticism was blatant on his face as he stumbled through the final words, but the old ninja was sure it was related to the fact he had no idea what he was saying than any slight against Hiruzen's honor.

"It's my pleasure." With another smile, the head of the Sarutobi clan shifted his attention to Natsumi now. "Incidentally, before I arrived, I spoke with the doctor in charge of his care. Kuroyama-kun rather reluctantly admitted that Kohaku-kun was as physically fit as iryou ninjutsu could make him; and what he needs now is to get as much rest, and food, as he can." He smiled down at Kohaku, who took a moment to scrutinize him before letting the father of two pat him gently on the head.

"I have it on good authority from many of my shinobi that this is something that can be better accomplished away from a hospital," he continued, "Unfortunately, I'm sure the paperwork in my office has managed to nearly double itself by now; since you're here, Natsumi-chan, Shikaku-kun, would you be so kind as to escort Kohaku-kun to his new home?"

The assassin's lips twitched, in a smile or a frown, Hiruzen wasn't sure. Maybe even both, one right on the end of the other. "I think we can spare the time, Hokage-sama." She turned to look at Shikaku, "Husband mine?"

The Nara clan head shrugged indolently. "Nothing's going to catch on fire if I leave it for later."

Hiruzen left as Inoichi volunteered to accompany them as well and made his way back to his office. While he hadn't lied about the paperwork, he had no intention of doing it soon. Instead, he planned on pulling out his crystal ball and looking in on the Hatake clan when he got back. As much as he wanted to observe it in person, he had a feeling this introduction was about to become a very tense, uncomfortable affair, even without his interference.

* * *

 **It has been brought to my attention that I have been negligent in properly explaining some of the details surrounding my story. I shall attempt to rectify this for those readers who are curious.**

 **I am dumping canon entirely for the Mesuji-verse. Following on from that, for those who have read** _ **Déjà vu no Jutsu**_ **, the events of these first chapters take place roughly around the end of its chapter 16.** **This makes Kohaku roughly about the same age as Itachi, and effectively side-lines him from the remainder of** ** _Déjà vu no Jutsu's_ main story while he relearns how to people** **. For more information, drop me a PM/leave a review and ask your questions, otherwise we'll be here forever.**

 **PFCDontKnow, Out.**


	4. Interlude: Kimiko

**So, I know this isn't a real chapter, but it popped pretty much fully formed in my head while I was bashing it against the wall for chapter four, and I figured you guys deserved something for constantly putting up with my procrastinating ass.**

 **Bear in mind, this all takes place over a decent span of time – several months, at the least. Civilians travel slow.**

* * *

They found her wandering the border of the Land of Rivers and the Land of Fire, the caravan.

She'd been sitting beside the road. She had nothing in her possession save the clothes on her back, a quiver of arrows, and a bow taller than she was. She asked them where they were going. They said they were going to the Rivers Capital. They asked her where she was going. She said she was looking for her home. She asked them who they were. They told her.

A small clan of traders, the Hamuro traveled between the cities and villages of the Elemental Nations, buying and selling needed commodities and some few luxury items when they could. Sometimes, they even ventured into the Hidden Villages to sell their goods. It was never excessively profitable, but it was enough.

Hamuro Sozen led them. He had a wife, Mori, and together they had three children – two daughters and a son; Hatsue, Naoko, and Ichiro. Hamuro Eiko was Sozen's maternal grandmother, the last of her generation in the merchant-clan, and possessed of a sharp tongue and even sharper mind. Her grandson trusted her words. There were other families, but she could meet them later.

They asked her who she was. She told them she was looking for that, too. The middle child, a boy of seven, said she looked like a princess. She laughed, not unkindly. She was pretty sure she wasn't a princess. The Hamuro laughed as well. To them, she certainly looked like one, rough clothing aside. Beautiful, unmarked, pale skin. Long, lovely, dark blue hair. And formal; oh-so-very formal and polite.

"You may not claim to be a noble, child," the old woman said, "But you certainly act like a proper one."

She bowed, thanking the Honorable Elder for her kind words. The Hamuro all shared the knowing smirks that come with being in on a secret joke.

Sozen offered her a place with them, until she found a home. She agreed. The Hamuro had no need for more guards, or for hunters. In her advanced age, the Honorable Elder needed aid for even some of the simplest of tasks. So she set aside her bow, and with beautiful serenity attended to the Honorable Elder.

The children loved her, for when she was not attending Eiko-baa-sama, she would play with them and listen to their stories. Not everyone trusted her, but she didn't mind. In the word they lived in, trust was not an easy thing to give.

Sozen, springing off his grandmother's earlier words, called her "Kimiko." It was only half a joke, since she did need a name. It stuck.

Her name became the beginning of her mantra, her ritual. Something she repeated every morning, so she didn't forget, before she rose to prepare herself and the Honorable Elder for the day's travel. It grew as they traveled, as they all learned more about who she had been.

 _My name is Kimiko._

A day and a half outside of River's capital, they were attacked by bandits. She was with the Honorable Elder when two of them threatened the old woman. She remembered attacking them. She remembered killing them with her bare hands. She remembered killing almost all of them without a single injury.

Out of everyone, she was the most shocked, even as her gut whispered that _This is right. This is what I am for._ The Honorable Elder said she must have been shinobi-trained. (She started carrying her bow again after that.)

 _My name is Kimiko. I am a kunoichi._

They went north, to Tanigakure. They didn't know her. They tried convincing her to stay. She refused; this didn't feel like her home. One of the shinobi recognized something about her that scared him. He convinced the others to let her go. He said they risked war with Suna if they didn't. The Hamuro were not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. They left, and made their way south.

 _My name is Kimiko. I am a kunoichi. I have connections to Sunagakure._

They reached the desert, and eventually the Village Hidden by Sand. The ninja here reacted much the same as the one in Tani. They told her to follow them. Something in her gut told her this was a tipping point. She would not see the Hamuro again. She said her goodbyes, and they parted ways. She was brought before the Kazekage and his council. She was questioned about her past, and taken to a windowless room. She was tested for deception, questioned of her motivations, over and over again.

Time passed. Once more, she was brought before the Kazekage. She was told who her family was. They told her who she was. She didn't believe them at first. They hadn't believed it, either. Her existence was an S-ranked secret, they told her; she could tell no one who didn't already know.

 _My name is Kimiko. I am a kunoichi. I have family in Sunagakure. I am a state secret._

She was enlisted in the shinobi forces of the Village Hidden by Sand. Her skill was tested by the Kazekage himself. (She lost.) She was given a turban-like headdress, and a cloth to cover her face. She was named a chūnin in the general forces, and a member of the Kazekage's ANBU guard. She was assigned to watch over the infant granddaughter of the Kazekage. She trained with the ANBU, and with Akasuna no Sasori, and with the Kazekage's son.

At first, Suna had not felt like her home. But she had family here, even if she wasn't allowed to talk about it, and it became her home.

 _My name is Kimiko. I am a kunoichi of Sunagakure. I am guard to the grandchildren of the Kazekage._ _I am a state secret._ _I have family here._ _I am home._

* * *

 **Now if you'll excuse me, I'll return to banging my head against the wall for the next chapter.**


End file.
